First Date & Negotiations

First Offer

As I was reading my assignment for my negotiations class last night, I ran across an interesting theory that, while meant to be in regards to negotiating strategies, works well for advice in the dating world.  The textbook said, “Never say yes to the first offer- Saying yes triggers two thoughts in the other person’s mind: ‘I could have done better’ and ‘something must be wrong.’”

After I read this, I couldn’t help but think of how this applies to giving in to men and saying yes to bringing them back to your apartment on the first date.  In our ever changing world, many young women are growing more comfortable with bringing men back to their apartment and sleeping with them on the first date.  Whether this turns into a full-fledged relationship or a one-night-stand is irrelevant to some women, and they feel that it is more pleasurable to “live in the moment.”  But this theory from my textbook makes a lot of sense as to why men don’t call or commit after they’ve slept with a women on the first date.

If you think about it, the fact that women say yes after a man’s “first offer” to go back to someone’s apartment and sleep together could trigger that thought in the man’s mind that they could have done better, or that something must be wrong with the woman if she is agreeing to sleep with him on the first date.  Maybe it’s this trigger in their mind that signals that the mystery is gone, and they no longer want anything from the woman because they feel that they could do better or find someone who will make that mystery last longer.

But then you think, in a society where women are becoming more powerful, and having more independence, why can’t the woman make the first moves?  What’s wrong with an independent woman who knows what she wants and knows how to go out and get it?  Does knowing what you want right away have to signal being slutty or less mysterious just because we don’t have time to play those dating games anymore and want to put everything out on the table?

It’s an interesting theory to think that sleeping with a guy on that first date will make them less interested and that they could do better… but maybe this is an old theory.  To me, it shouldn’t matter what society says, and if you know you want to be with someone, what’s stopping you?  Love should not have rules… We should all be free to do what we want without having to worry about other people judging, and learn that love has no limits.  Love is powerful, and that’s all that matters.

If you’d like to discuss this theory or any opinions you may have about this topic leave a comment in the comments below.  I’d love to hear what you think.

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All Is Fair Love & Work

Family BusinessHello my avid readers.  Have you missed me?  I have missed you.  I apologize for my long leave of absence, but life seemed to get in the way, and I found a love of my own.  While I was away these past months, I found a new love, and realized that my passion has changed from wishing to become a teacher or a business owner, to becoming a lawyer.  And while that profession has its majorly long to-do list, I continue to have a passion for writing and blogging.  So here I am, writing to you to express how much I love all of you, my readers.

Now that it is winter vacation, and my studies are at a standstill, I have to work for the family business.  I have always found it an interesting concept about working with family.  Some say that business mixing with family never works and that the two should be kept separate.  Others say that if the business is family-oriented, where family always mixes with business, the company will be stronger and succeed.

FamilyIt’s a fine line from running a successful smooth business to keeping family ties together.  Everyone knows that family issues can get complicated.  You have to make sure to keep up with the emotional drama, and understand that  what happens at home needs to stay at home, and not get mixed up in business affairs.  However, treating your family members as employees, and expecting them to not take it personal is difficult in a family business.  Often, tensions rise and days become long and tiresome.  Though other days are so enjoyable that it makes going to work fun and interesting.

When it comes to working with family, business protocol needs to change, and there should be a new manner in which to run business.   Keeping business professional and emotion-free, while keeping a fun family-oriented atmosphere is a difficult challenge to do.  But if family businesses would do that, business would run much smoother, and the company as a whole would be even more successful.

What do you think of family businesses?  Do you think there is a fine line between love and work?  Leave a comment below.

Photo Credit: Business, Family

Love Advice In a Coffee Shop

“I’ll give him props, I mean he tried.. But when you have a bloody nose, I’d say just let it go” -Random Stranger.

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I was sitting in a coffee shop on the edge of campus today trying to study, when I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation going on between a group of friends. They were talking about relationships, and giving each other advice on their dating drama. Of course with all the excitement their voices carried into the back room where I was studying, and I started to really listen to what they had to say. Some of their advice was actually pretty good.

One of the big topics I heard them say was being in the friend zone. So many people find themselves “stuck in the friend zone” with someone they are interested in, and yet they put themselves there. They said that being in the friend zone is all a mental thing, and that people tend to characterize themselves as just friends when they should really put themselves out there and try for more.

However, trying to just be in a relationship to be in a relationship and not actually get to know the other person isn’t good either. You have to actually want to get to know someone and be friends with them in order to have a relationship work. They said, sometimes it’s better to be “just friends” first before getting into a long term relationship. Half of relationships today are actually started as being friends. One of them even mentioned that their girlfriend is their best friend. Those are always the best relationships; where you can be goofy and fun because you know that the person you love, your best friend, is right there with you.

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Finally, they ended their conversation with a discussion on being single. But instead of the normal things you hear like how fun it is to meet new people, or how you can date around, or even what a drag it is trying to find someone, they talked about how there’s nothing wrong with being alone. If you like yourself, and can have fun doing things you love, why not be alone? Why look for someone to spend your time with if you love being with yourself just as much as other people should? I found this advice quite interesting because it is absolutely true. For those of us who pine for a relationship, I ask you to think about that. Instead of looking for a relationship with someone, start enjoying the one you are already in: with yourself.

I want to thank the loud and obnoxious group of friends who were sitting in the coffee shop today. If you hadn’t have been so loud, I wouldn’t have learned some valuable lessons in love to spread to my readers. To the strangers, may you find happiness in your relationships, and God bless.

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Photo credit: coffee love, coffee heart

Relationship Limbo

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“Love is Friendship that has caught fire”
-Ann Landers

Sitting in traffic heading over to San Fransisco I can’t help but think of you. Your voice, your beautiful face, your eyes, your lips, your smile. Your every essence there when I close my eyes to rest. Sometimes I wish I was yours, so that when I think of you I know you are thinking of me too. But this guessing game of if you want me or not keeps me up at night, wishing and hoping that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

For years we’ve been friends, always sharing fun memories, crazy times, and treasured secrets. Even still when we’ve tried to be more, things were always good between us. But I never know how you truly feel. Sometimes I think it’s part of your plot; keeping me wondering, keeping me guessing, keeping me wishing for more.

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Whenever I’m away from you I can’t help but wish for you to come with me. I can’t help but think of how much I miss you whenever you aren’t near. Staying busy during the day helps keep the loneliness away, but it’s when things die down that I feel the pull more.

I need answers. I need to know how you are feeling. I need to know if you want more too. As the traffic becomes bareable again, I’m left to ponder these thoughts. Of if I’ll ever know how you really feel, or if ill be forever stuck in this limbo between friendship and more.

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Photo Credit: I miss you, love

Love and Serendipity

“In that moment, the whole universe existed just to bring us together” –Serendipity.

serendipityOne of my all-time favorite movies is Serendipity.  It’s about a man and a woman who meet completely due to fate when they both grab the last pair of gloves, and end up losing each other due to a chance of fate, and meet again years later.  The whole story goes through the fight between fate and destiny and choosing one future over another.  It’s a fantastic movie that I highly recommend.

When watching this movie, I can’t help but think about how this plays out in real life.  Are people really fated to be together, or do we choose our own fates?  In the beginning of Serendipity, the main character Sarah explains that fate is behind everything, and that if it were fated for her and Jonathan to be together, then it would happen.  As it turns out, she forgets her gloves, and he forgets his scarf, and they meet up again to spend the evening getting to know each other.  As another act of fate, she goes to give him her number, but it gets lost in the wind.  She takes that as a sign that they need to make it more challenging to figure out if they are fated to be together.

I’ve always wondered if this concept would be a good experiment to see if it actually works.  What if you meet the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with, but you are with someone else at the time?  Will fate step in and fix the situation later down the road?  I mean, I believe in fate and destiny, yet thinking of when I’ll eventually meet the man of my dreams is tiring and frankly frustrating as hell.  Who knows when it will eventually happen, but there are clues all around me that it will happen unexpectedly, and per fate’s twisted plans. serendipity

So many movies portray this kind of love being fated and part of a bigger plan.  One of my other favorite scenes from a movie portraying this is from 500 Days of Summer.  She explains it in a different sense, in that if she had been reading a different book at a different coffee shop, would she have met her husband?  If she had taken a different approach to the day and waited five more minutes to enter into the store, would she be married?  It’s an interesting concept of how we meet the people we are fated for.

Maybe destiny has an intricate plan for us all in how we will find our true love; but the point here is that you can never anticipate when fate is going to step in and give you a hint.  So the object is, live life as if fate could step in at any moment, and make sure not to be looking for that moment when it comes.

What are your thoughts on fate and destiny in relationships?  Leave a comment below.

Photo Credit: Serendipity, Ice Skating

Too Young To Get Married?

“I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all” –Lord Byron.

Wedding ShoesSo many people today are getting married at an early age. Ranging from 18 to early 20s, marriage has become a popular phenomenon. Some people argue that this is too young an age to get married because at that age you don’t really know what love is. Others argue that when you know, you know and when it feels right you should act right away. My opinion on this is somewhat in the middle, because I have a different look at the matter.   So many of my close friends have been getting married this year at ages ranging from 20-30. Some of them have been with their partners for years, waiting for the right moment to finally take that step into matrimony. Others have only known their partners for a few months, feeling that their love is deep enough now to get married.

Sometimes, it’s important to look at the emotional side of love, and if it’s right, then why not go for it. For me, if you really feel that deep connection with someone, it’s always going to be there. If you know that that person is the one for you, there’s no need to rush into a marriage so soon. Sometimes, when you get into a marriage so soon, it can ruin the relationship later on down the road, which is why divorce is often the case for young couples. However, if you wait for a couple years, and really get to know the person, then it’ll probably be a better match in the end and it won’t necessarily lead to divorce.   Wedding CakeMarriage to me is something special and should never be taken lightly. So in order to make sure that the person you are marrying is going to be the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, it’s best to wait a couple years or so to make sure it’s the right fit. And again, if they are the right person, waiting a few years to get married when you are older and have matured will make the transition so much easier.

Now I’m not married, and I still have yet to find the one, so if you were married at a young age please take what I’m saying with a grain of salt. Of course there are couples out there who knew instantly that it was the right fit, were mature at a young age, and knew what they were getting themselves into. But some young couples don’t know what they are doing, and it’s sad when those couples don’t make it down the road. My advice: don’t ever resent the one you are about to marry, think clearly of how getting married is going to change your life, and don’t get married with the idea of “well there’s always divorce if something happens.” Get married with the thought that you are marrying the person of your dreams and you will love them forever.

If you’ve been married young or have any advice for young couples getting married leave a comment below.

What Is A Relationship?

“In a relationship each person should support the other; they should lift each other up” – Taylor Swift.

Playful CoupleRelationships are all around us.  Whether they are platonic, romantic, friendly, etc. we form relationships every day.  It’s when you throw in words like boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, husband, wife, or commitment that makes romantic relationships differ from everyday ones.  I have recently come to realize that not everyone thinks of relationships the same way.  Being in a relationship to some people means being fully committed to that person, making that other person’s life their life, and living each day consumed in the other person’s problems and issues.  They feel that being in a relationship with someone means dropping everything and forgetting themselves in order to be there for someone else.  I feel that these types of relationships are unhealthy and should be avoided at all costs.  To be completely obsessed to the point of losing yourself and not knowing who you are is a destructive relationship that is only going to lead to heartache.

Playful NotebookTo me, a relationship is something that lifts us up, and helps us become the people we want to be.  When you are in a healthy relationship, your partner should help motivate you, believe in you, and help you grow as a person.  They shouldn’t complete you, because that’s not healthy; but instead should give you confidence and make you feel amazing.  A relationship is about being someone’s partner and helping them enjoy their life.

When a relationship is healthy, both partners help each other in achieving their goals by being the person they can go to when they feel upset, lost, angry, or irritated.  Your partner is supposed to be your best friend; that person who knows all your darkest secrets and still finds the best in you.  Relationships are not supposed to be something that holds you back, but something that lifts you up and makes everything better.  I know it sounds cheesy to say they make life better, but a good relationship really does.  Sometimes they can be rocky, and fighting and arguing can happen; but if the relationship is a healthy one, it has to have some bumps along the way.  All in all, a relationship can make your life better, so long as you have the right person there.

What do you think a relationship is?  Do you agree with my view?  Leave a comment below.

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Photo Credit: Playful Couple, The Notebook