As I was reading my assignment for my negotiations class last night, I ran across an interesting theory that, while meant to be in regards to negotiating strategies, works well for advice in the dating world. The textbook said, “Never say yes to the first offer- Saying yes triggers two thoughts in the other person’s mind: ‘I could have done better’ and ‘something must be wrong.’”
After I read this, I couldn’t help but think of how this applies to giving in to men and saying yes to bringing them back to your apartment on the first date. In our ever changing world, many young women are growing more comfortable with bringing men back to their apartment and sleeping with them on the first date. Whether this turns into a full-fledged relationship or a one-night-stand is irrelevant to some women, and they feel that it is more pleasurable to “live in the moment.” But this theory from my textbook makes a lot of sense as to why men don’t call or commit after they’ve slept with a women on the first date.
If you think about it, the fact that women say yes after a man’s “first offer” to go back to someone’s apartment and sleep together could trigger that thought in the man’s mind that they could have done better, or that something must be wrong with the woman if she is agreeing to sleep with him on the first date. Maybe it’s this trigger in their mind that signals that the mystery is gone, and they no longer want anything from the woman because they feel that they could do better or find someone who will make that mystery last longer.
But then you think, in a society where women are becoming more powerful, and having more independence, why can’t the woman make the first moves? What’s wrong with an independent woman who knows what she wants and knows how to go out and get it? Does knowing what you want right away have to signal being slutty or less mysterious just because we don’t have time to play those dating games anymore and want to put everything out on the table?
It’s an interesting theory to think that sleeping with a guy on that first date will make them less interested and that they could do better… but maybe this is an old theory. To me, it shouldn’t matter what society says, and if you know you want to be with someone, what’s stopping you? Love should not have rules… We should all be free to do what we want without having to worry about other people judging, and learn that love has no limits. Love is powerful, and that’s all that matters.
If you’d like to discuss this theory or any opinions you may have about this topic leave a comment in the comments below. I’d love to hear what you think.